You know that movie that comes on t.v. and no matter how many times you’ve seen it, you stop what you’re doing (for me, that’s usually cleaning up) and watch it as though you’ve never seen it before? You cry at the sad parts, laugh at the happy parts, and shudder at the tragic parts. For me, one of those movies is Antwone Fisher. If you haven’t seen it, run don’t walk and see this film. Based on a true story, it chronicles the life of a young man coming to terms with the trauma he experienced early during his childhood from people who were supposed to love and protect him. It shows how our childhood trauma can follow us into our adult life and how we must seek tools like therapy and support systems to get us through our triggers and tough times.
I love this movie on so many levels and I’ve been thinking about it a lot as I review this last decade of my life and prepare for the next one. I’ve had some major wins and some major losses. I’ve met some wonderful people and watched a few exit my life through death or choice. The decade started with me meeting and falling in love with my husband and marrying him and then embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. We have traveled all over the world, met some important people, and had crazy adventures together that has bonded us for life, not just as spouses, but truly as best friends.
One of my greatest gifts over this decade has been the relationships I’ve been able to build in my life. I’ve been able to break generational trauma that was passed to me that told me women could not be true friends to each other. My friendships are truly the most treasured pieces of my life. That stupid saying, “no new friends” is so inaccurate. The new friends in my life are closer to me than family. I’m one of those weird kids who didn’t grow up with cousins, play cousins, aunts, uncles, grandperes, and grandmeres around me. I had to create my own family of friends and I’m blessed to have women I’ve known since high school and college as well as women I’ve met in professional circles as a part of my tribe.
This decade, I saw the world in luxury travel, advanced in my career and took on many challenges, both personally and professionally. I also had a couple of health scares that almost took me out. Early mammograms, surgeries, blood clots, etc. That will come as a surprise to many folks because I truly embody the phrase “grace under pressure.” I don’t look like what I’ve been through. I am only now in the past five years of my life stepping into my vulnerability as my superpower and able to share more about the bumps in my journey. Almost leaving the planet will do that to you.
Back to one of my favorite films, I had the chance to meet the real Antwone Fisher in L.A. several years ago now. I had the chance to tell him how much I enjoyed his movie and how brave he was to tell this story on screen. I’m sure it has been impactful for others who have experienced childhood trauma, adulthood trauma, and are working through their healing and reparenting themselves. It’s good to know that we are not alone and we all have our work to do. And the work is ongoing. It’s a hard, but beautiful work. It is a work that I talk about in my podcast series Firsts Over Forty. And what I realize is as I share more and talk with more people about their experiences, I’m even more convinced about a maxim someone shared with me at a conference three years ago. Not everything you go through is for you. Meaning, that the experiences we face, the tragedies that we overcome, while we feel what happens to us very deeply, it is so important to share what we go through and what we have learned with others. As we minister to others, we minister to ourselves. We heal ourselves in this process. We come out stronger and better able to cope with life’s valleys. Because the spoiler alert is, none of us can escape the valleys in life. They come for us at some point. We equip and armor ourselves to persist. And my lesson learned from my previous quest for perfection was I couldn’t shield myself from life’s troubles and disappointments.
For 2020 and beyond, I’m encouraged that even though life isn’t perfect, I’m still around to live it. So many of my friends and family are not. I’m still around to love and be loved. And I love myself more each day. Each day presents an opportunity for forgiveness, education, joy, peace, and understanding. So I will end by sharing my favorite quote from Antwone Fisher and the clip from this powerful scene where he confronts the childhood bullies and terrors in his life as an adult.
“This is my time. You understand me? It don’t matter what you tried to do, you couldn’t destroy me. I’m still standing. I’m still strong. And I always will be.”
And I always will be. Let’s go 2020.
Leave a Reply